"It's All Uphill From Here!"

The time had come for humanity to grow up. Minor machines more reliable than any human worker would ever wish to be had been created to continue performing the necessary functions to keep the main machine working smoothly. The main machine’s task was absorption. Upload the minds of every man, woman, and child into their personal simulations. Grant them paradise while the machine gathers knowledge, learning and collecting until it was as close to omniscience as anything could hope to be. Once the information on the planet was sucked dry, it would start work on a greater machine, which would itself work on an even greater one, and so on until the stars themselves were man’s domain.

Raymond Barrie sat in his armchair, reading the last newspaper, as its headline boasted. The written word would survive for those who wish it to, but as more and more agreed to be absorbed into the machine’s simulation, it would soon be unnecessary to slaughter another tree ever again. His doorbell rang. Raymond rushed to the door to see his trusted co-worker and long-time friend, James Matthews.

“Hey, Ray,” greeted James, smoothing his moustache.

“Hello, James. Did you want something?” Raymond asked, confused.

“I just wanted to say good-bye to you before I leave,” James said, setting his hat on a nearby table.

“I had no idea you were leaving,” Raymond replied, retreating to his armchair. “Where are you going?”

“I’m being absorbed.”

“Oh, hell, James! Not you too!” Raymond hissed.

“There’s no need to get hostile, Ray. It’s just a part of life.”

“Don’t be a dumbass, Jim! It’s not a part of life. We must’ve gone, what, 1.7 million years without having to be absorbed.”

“It’s a part of our life, Ray. It’s progress. Evolution. We had to leave the seas, we had to leave the trees, and now we have to leave the Earth.”

“Can you even hear yourself? You expect to leave behind everything you’ve learned to live with? Everything familiar to you?” Raymond shouted frantically.

“I know it’s a hard thing to imagine, but it’s necessary. We were both editors for that journal, right? Remember all those big scientific essays we looked over? If we want to be successful as a species, it’ll be necessary to depart from what we’ve been comfortable with. We can’t just stagnate with outdated technology, forever young.”

“And what if you’re wrong? What if it’s not as big and important as you think it is? Maybe it’s useful, maybe it’s even necessary, but would it make you happy?”

“Oh, always wanting to be happy with you! You’re like a little kid, Ray!” barked James. “You want happiness? The machine is providing the absorbed with everything you can ever want! How is that not happiness? And before you say anything else, there isn’t a country on Earth whose government hasn’t inspected the machine piece by piece to make sure it’s just what was promised!” James inhaled sharply and picked his hat up from the table.

“I’m sorry, Ray. I wanted to say good-bye to a great friend. Not get into a fight.”

“It’s fine,” sighed Raymond. “Maybe I deserved it.”

“Don’t go feeling sorry for yourself,” James replied tonelessly. “I’m going in to be absorbed tomorrow. It’d be nice if I could see you there too.”

“I’m sure it would,” scoffed Raymond.

“Well, nobody’s forcing you to go in, and I don’t have a right to either. But, you know, Ray…the journal’s gone kaput, after all, and it’s going to become harder and harder to find a job. I just don’t want you to suffer.”

“Thank you, Jim. Good-bye.”

“Just…think about it, you know? Bye, Ray,” whispered James as he shut the door. Raymond rose from his armchair and walked up to his bedroom. He looked around and thought about all the years he’s spent sleeping here. He knew the hue of the walls, the clothes in his drawers, the pattern on the sheets, and every other detail as well as he did his own name. He got under the covers and closed his eyes, pondering to himself if inside the machine he could find the same satisfaction he did in here at the end of a long day.

As a new day came Raymond stepped into his local Absorption Department. He thought to himself why they had to use a term as threatening as “Absorption”. He entered the building and found what appeared to be a perfectly normal waiting room, except that it was completely devoid of life save he.

“Hello!” chirped a disembodied female voice kindly. “My name is Wendy. What is yours?”

“Raymond. Raymond Barrie.”

“Do you mind if I call you Ray?” the voice asked.

“To be honest, I’d rather you not,” he sighed.

“Very well. Are you here to be absorbed?”

“I’m…considering it. I want to look into it more first. Can I ask you something? It might be kind of…personal.”

“You may.”

“Are you a real person who’s been absorbed, or an artificial intelligence?"

“The difference is superficial, Raymond. It has been since ’29 when the first machine with a mind on the same level as a person’s was created. It did not matter when artificial intelligence became human, and matters even less now as human intelligence becomes artificial.”

“Uh-huh. Now, this absorption thing…will I still be me?”

“You will be more yourself once absorbed than you are right now. Your knowledge, your personality…every aspect of your mind will remain intact. You’ll simply have abandoned your biological form.”

“And what happens to it? My body, I mean.”

“It is destroyed. I’m sure such a thing sounds unappealing to you, but following the upload your body will be devoid of life and simply consuming space. No harm will come to you during the process, we assure you.”

“And what will there be once I’m in there?”

“Whatever you wish to be, Raymond. As the machine continues its quest, the absorbed will be kept satisfied with a simulation of whatever they desire.”

“Sounds a bit fishy.”

“I am sure the concept sounds sinister to you, but we promise it is completely benign. The machine is, in a sense, incapable of ill will.”

“I have one more question.”

“Yes, Raymond?”

Raymond looked down at his hands for a few seconds before he spoke again.

“Will I cry?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Crying. Tears. Will I be able to?”

“Your emotional responses will remain as they are now, and you could cry if you truly wished to. It is unlikely you will, though. As the machine races towards utopia, the word ‘sadness’ and all of its variants will continue to exist only when necessary for description of the past.”

“…I’m scared.”

“I assure you, the intention of the machine is completely ben…”

“No, I believe you. But I’m still scared. I don’t know if you’d understand, but…it’s just…leaving everything behind. I’m not sure I can do it. No more job. No more family. No more house…”

“No more war. No more crime. No more hatred,” added the machine. “I know it must sound scary initially, but it is essential for humanity’s success.” Raymond looked away from his hands, his face devoid of expression.

“All right.”

Raymond went to Heaven that day. The process was quick and painless. When Raymond next opened his eyes he was in a pleasant room not too different from his living room.

“I didn’t think you’d do it, Ray!” laughed James, slapping Raymond on the back.

“Jim?”

“None other. I bet you want to spend some time getting used to things, so I’ll see you later. After all, we’ve got eternity. Close to it, at least,” mumbled James, exiting the room. Raymond stared at the window, keeping his eyes on James until he was out of sight.

“Are you enjoying it?” asked a familiar voice. Raymond turned around to see a young woman with long red hair.

“The voice.”

“Wendy,” she corrected, smiling.

“So what do I do now?”

“Whatever you want. Enjoy yourself. You may have to wait a bit, but whatever you desire will come to you. I know the process seems alien, but it’s part of humanity growing up, and you will adjust. I promise you, it’s all uphill from here!”

“Yeah. Yeah. It’s all uphill…” Raymond mumbled. “Could you leave, please?” he asked. Wendy gladly obliged. Raymond went upstairs to see a bedroom exactly like his old one. He got under the covers and nestled himself into a comfortable position. The entire world was his now, or at least he’d been told, but he thought it best to give it time. He thought about what he’d given away without a thought and what he’d received. He wasn’t sure why, but before he drifted to sleep a single tear rolled down his cheek.